What you don't realize is you are slowly suffocating yourself with hate and loneliness.
Your "wall", "bubble", "shield" is really made up of people.
Each time someone hurts you, you take that hurt and hold it, so the next time someone comes along you are already expecting to be hurt the same way the last person did. And every time someone hurts you, you add a piece to your wall. Building a wall that you haven't even realized is really having that person control your happiness, your life.
Now here is the solution.
Forgive.
Forgiveness is not for them but for you.
People apologize for themselves. They apologize because they feel bad that they did something wrong or hurt you, so they apologize so they no longer feel guilty.
You need to Forgive so they know that they no longer control you. Not forgiving someone gives them power over your life and how you live it. And as long as they have that over you, you can not come out of your shell, and being to live, happily. Do not be mad at them and what they did to you.
Now I am not saying forget. Remembering is being cautious. Knowing what that person is capable of. But don't let remembering something pain be painful.
Example:
In school and you get a test back and you got a question wrong. The teacher then gives you the answer for the test, so you can study for the exam. When it's exam time, I bet the questions you know the answers to are the ones you got wrong the first time. Know them without any hesitations. That's because you remembered getting that question wrong and knew the right answer for next time. So for now on you will always know the answer to that question.
That right there is remembering something hurtful (cause I know it hurt to get that not so perfect score) without letting it be painful. Now you have made a bad moment in life something wonderful.
Example 2:
You just caught your boyfriend cheating on you. I know you want to go off, rant and yell your hurt out and then go be depressed and upset about being hurt. What you have to realize is that they are not somewhere being depressed and upset about hurting you, at the most they are feeling guilty you found out. So they apologize, but you probably don't want to forgive them. That's ok. You don't have to forgive right away. It's ok to be sad, angry, depressed, hurt, unloved. These are natural human emotions. But you have to realize is that even though you didn't forgive them, they are feeling better already because they did what they needed to do to feel better, apologized. So, now they are feeling better why you are still hurt. And sometimes people get even more upset and angry because the person is happy and living life. This is when you need to forgive them. For you.
Tell them, Tell God. Tell who ever you trust. Tell whoever loves you. Tell yourself. Just take a moment and forgive them. Here I will even help:
I forgive you (insert name). I forgive you for hurting. I forgive you for making me angry. I forgive you so that I may move on with my life. So I may be happy again. So I can learn to trust and love again. I forgive you so I may not bring negativity in to anybody else's world. I forgive you so that you can start to forgive yourself for hurting me. So I can live a full life with wonderful people who love and who I love. I forgive you just like my God forgives me. So that I can live, love, and trust. I forgive you (insert name).
After forgiving, there is a 99% chance that a weight will be lifted off your shoulder. That you will be able to see your rainbow after the storm. That life will look a little more brighter and hopeful.
But the only way you can get the courage to forgive, is if you can find that one moment where you are just dead tired, beat. Can't take it anymore, can't deal with yourself anymore. It's time to let them go. And begin to heal.
Don't let it get that far but forgiving is not something us humans can not do willingly. Those who can, we look up to. We believe they have something we don't have; courage, bravery. But in truth everyone has them. Some of us just need a little help to realize this.
So the next time you get ready to put a new piece to your "wall", shield", "bubble", think about what this is costing you. Your friends, family, trust, love, time, hope. And then think what is it costing them. Nothing.
Do yourself a favor, Forgive.
Once is all it takes. Do it once. And see how easy it really is. Do it once and see how much better you feel. The go back. and start taking down each piece of glass, brick, metal, whatever you use to build your protection. Start forgiving all those who hurt you. It doesn't have to happen all at once. One at a time is ok. Just after each peace, take a deep breath. Feels good to not be suffocating with hate and anger.
Give yourself a chance before you right yourself off.
Forgive.
